Thursday, 28 July 2005

Wednesday, 27 July 2005


So today, I went to dance class after 3 weeks of not going. And I couldn't nail a single double pirouette on my Left leg (balancing on left).. Annoyingly, my right was perfect (where perfect = good according to my expectations right now). On my left, I completely crumbled. It was really really annoying... I mean, the first set I can forgive myself. But in the second I got mad at myself... And by the time we did another turn combination on the Left, I felt my eyes sting.... The annoying thing is that I can balance on this leg atleast for a time of 4 consecutive turns, but I couldn't get the double. And what's more is that when I tried to do a single I would always fall back (so when i practiced on my own, i tried to correct my posture, so that it wasn't leaning back - but that didn't help either) In a way, I know my spotting is getting worse and worse... My eyes just cant handle it anymore - I may be getting contacts just for dance.... I know I sound like I am blaming my eyes, but it seems like a logical explaination... because my teacher goes around correcting ppl on technique but for the turn, he didn't.... So anyway. At the end we did the combination which was an absolutely awesome, jazz, house, hip hop combined dance, with house music. But it was everyone's second week, and I found it so hard to keep up. Esp. since in the 1st week for every combination, my teacher teaches at least 6.8's. And EVERYONE can do it. So anyway, I have been practicing and practicing at home, but still not getting it right.
I will be going to Singapore from the 2nd, SO I will be missing dance for about 3 weeks again... I really hope that jazz with Derrick, and hopefully with Laura too, and also tap with Susan, and just dancing in the environment of Dance Arts is going to boost my confidence - because believe it or not, I still want to be a freakin' dancer.

Tuesday, 26 July 2005

10 Years Time

"Ten Years Time" by Gabrielle

Where you going to be in 10 years time,
Will you be happy with the way you've been living your life?
Will you be alright?
And when you're looking back to now with all the years gone by, will there be something that you say that you should've done right?
We're talking about your life.

Are you a dreamer? Tell me all your dreams.

Edgar Degas, Waiting, 1881-1882

After yet another semester...

SIIIIGHHHHHHHH. It was another long semester, and it is finally over (as of Monday!) And I am gladder than glad. happier than happy. smilier than smiley. Sometimes, I get really excited about the fact that I will be in SINGAPORE next TUESDAY! By this time, I will be there! You see! I am getting excited again! But then when I am feelin "bleh", I realise that I am actually quite tired from this semester! And tired of worrying about my "real" future after graduating, hopefully next year! Also, I am missing Schis LOADS. So if u are readin this know that I am thinking of YOU and can't wait till you come to Japan! We shall go to Disneyland and Disneysea, and hopefully parks, traditional places, as well as my fave restaurants, vale? Another thing on my mind is Sachi going on a foreign exchange programme, and Ayako leaving. Will be missing them loads and loads. Aya, Yuka, Chris, looks like it's going to be the fantastic and original four from next sem ne! GANBAROU!

OKAY, so update. I saw Joey in JAPAN on friday which was pretty awesome! Although yes, quite tiring cause we travelled quite a fair bit. I made her walk in heels for a while! OOPS! but aiyo good exercise for us both lah! And i have been wondering, I hope u were okay during the earthquake!!!! I hope u didn't feel a thing... because I think if u went to Mt. Fuji, you would have been going AWAY from it? no? Well anyway, hope Joey, that you are okay!

Since then, I haven't done anything. I think my last exam went well, which is a good feeling to have considering I was pretty down about my other two exams. Oh well, it's in the past now. So there is nothing I can do, as Chris has emphasized to me over and over!

ANYWAY. These were random completely haphazard thoughts from moi at 10:29pm. IN ONE WEEK, I WILL BE WITH D for sure! And I will be in Singapore. I hope it's still the great place I remember it to be, and with the same old same old everything.

Wednesday, 13 July 2005

Update on Me Life from Ayako's. The smell of pasta is SOOOOOOOOO good! Hehe

Changes are scary. They are terrifying. (I have realised recently that I am frightened of many things! - but thats okay)
Changes, big or small are intimidating. But one thing you should bear in mind is that CHANGE is ALWAYS CONSTANT. It always happens. And you can be sure of that.

So in my life, the next big change that will affect me on a grand scale, is a departure of a friend from Japan. Two years ago we were both two lost, and lonely people in a foreign land - seemingly more foreign because 'technically' speaking, we were supposed to belong here... But in the past year, the place has become more bearable and even more beautiful because we shared stories, of past and present and even of future, we exchanged meaningful words, smiles, and laughter, and even tears. We beared witness to not only each other's disappointments, and discouragement both in work, Love, and in my case, two failed dance auditions. But we also experienced our times of happiness, encouragement and Laughter.
Now, we are still lost in this evermore foreign land, which I have nevertheless grown to love a little more, but we are less alone! Less alone because we have formed a friendship that will live through time and space. We will still be close friends into the future despite the distance. Like my friendships of Singapore, we will be okay! And I am grateful.

SO CHANGE... Change is Big. And it is SCARY, no matter how large or small. no matter if its whether you are young or old. It is always scary and it is always going to be there. And fear of change should not be suppressed. It should be experienced! Because despite the fact that change usually disrupts your routine, and freaks the hell out of you, it means you are ALIVE. You and me, we are lucky! Lets try not to take that for granted okay? The Italian movie, 'Ricordati di Me' really goes to show what a big difference CHANGE makes to your life. It vibrates LIFE through your veins. Makes you realise you are not just an anatomical body with blood pumping and with an expiration date, but that you have a head with a brain that allows THOUGHT, a mouth and a voice to SPEAK what you are thinking, and more than that you have a heart that FEELS.
So let's try to advocate the positivities of Change, to help me deal with the next big change in my life (the egocentric reason!). And while we are on this subject, let's advocate Living Life.

Wednesday, 6 July 2005

"If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great." - Tom Hanks in A League of their Own

Monday, 4 July 2005

"Home" by Michael Buble

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two? I'm fine baby, how are you??
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home

I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

Bravery is a mask that I wear everyday. I am not actually courageous, and fearless. I am weak and vulnerable. I am capable of hurting but even more of being hurt. I fell deeply in love, and I have exposed my soul. And now I am evermore susceptible to pain and heartbreak. But that's okay. Sometimes you have to open your heart, and let someone in. Sometimes you have to trust. Sometimes love fades, sometimes it lasts forever. Everyday I wear this mask of bravery, in hope that it will protect me from future pain, or sadness. But today, I can't hide behind this mask. I can't act courageous and fearless. So I strip down my guard. It unnerves me how this "Home" song really made me think of you, and that it suggests that I am at "home" already with you. It scares me how much I hope for a future together. It petrifies me how dependent I sometimes seem. (But what is dependency anyway?) It frightens me that one day you might go away, and it terrifies me that someday you might stop caring. But most of all, it truly alarms me that most of the time, the fears subside, and are gone, and I don't care about being defenceless with my heart with you.

Sunday, 3 July 2005

Aiyo! (about work).... Proud

Aiyo! I really really really really have a lot of work to do, but instead of just getting em done, I keep on doing silly things, like watching TV shows, watching volleyball, watching Wimbledon (which is not THAT silly) , and going sale shopping. Oh and not to mention writing silly entries on my blog. Urgh. This July is gonna suck just cause I have so much school-related things coming up! My finals and final papers - final papers just being worse. And i know complaining and whining about it on this BLOG aint gonna help, but right now, I am updating my comp. (after rebooting, which was successful!) and so i cant use it for work! So this weekend has been pretty awesome.... My friends and I celebrated Aya's 21st bday at a Korean Restaurant, in Korea Town in Japan, and my family celebrated first coming to Japan anniversary! Undoubtedly, I have been for almost 2 years now, but since they came, it was exactly a year on the 30th of June. Incredible.

In the past year, since we have all been together, we have been through so much and I am so proud once again of my family. I think it was a lot harder than we, or anyone else expected it to be. We went through loads of ups and downs when deciding what schools my brother and sister should go to, and I am so proud of them for finding new friends, and being so brave and optimistic in general about everything. And when things get tough, I am even prouder of them for having the courage to speak up about problems etc. to my mum, dad and I. More than ever I am so grateful for the family that I have, for I can do nothing without them, and their support all the time. I think without reading my blog, they all know exactly how I feel about them. I love them loads.

In the last few days, I have missed countless phonecalls from Colorado, and that makes me feel rather sad, because I would love to hear his voice right now, and to see how he is doing. Things must be really tough, but I am so proud of him for having the courage to go somewhere he has never been and working his ass off, every second of every day.

Lastly, I am proud of one more person tonight for sticking to what her heart was telling her... and for being courageous enough to speak her mind. It is so difficult to be so brave when u know that u risk something that is or was once real important to you.... No matter how long you have been with a person, sometimes there comes a time when that person just doesn't give you everything that you deserve... And Hanna (name changed for privacy reasons!), you need to realise that you deserve so much better than someone that cant make you the happiest person in the world. More importantly, I admire her for atleast once being able to put all rules and guidelines aside, and perhaps doing something that might be considered wrong, in her quest for truth. I think Truth and Honesty should be prioritized over Right and Wrong and Rules and Guidelines...

Anyway, my blog entry tonight wasn't supposed to get this 'serious' about stuff, but something inside me suddenly wanted to write all this tonight. Hope all is good across the world, and that those of u on Hols (chels!!! risa!!!) are enjoying themselves.

Friday, 1 July 2005

Before I Reboot

Ahhhhh. My comp. has been really screwing up recently, so I am typing this from my school comp. once again just before I start class cause I had quite a bit of time! Tonight, I shall be rebooting my comp. and saying BYE to all my music files, my videos, my programs so I am a little sad! (cause let's face it, I Adore BOB - comp's name, and i love One tree hill, and all the music i have and I am always talking online) :)
Anyhoo.... the last 3 days or so, when Chelsea came was absolutely amazing! We saw so much of Tokyo and had such a good time going down memory lane, esp. when Aya joined us for dinner! (cause she has all the gossip!) so that was absolutely awesome! Hopefully when my comp. is in good shape again, (and it will be soon!) I will post pics that we took at the HUGE Imperial Palace, Meiji Shrine (where there was a lone person praying, very poetic), etc. It was so much fun! and i saw so much more of Tokyo than I usually do! So thanks Chels!
Today, the great summer sale starts so me and me friends are going to go check it out after lit class! Will let u know how that goes asap. hopefully rebooting my comp. will fix all problems that i am having. Well anyway, I am off to Japanese Art class (which is a little bit of a 'yawny' class) but anyhow! Have a great weekened ya'll. hehe.